Jimmy Nobs and the Authoritarian Naan State

 

 Mrs Nugget owns the Community Hall, operating primarily from the back room. She keeps everything running, despite occasionally imbibing a sneaky large sherry, which can affect clarity of thought. She identifies as retired, old, female, and always denies falling asleep during Pilates.

This week sees her down the pub for a curry.

She - with Mr Nugget of course - likes to spend a lot of time at the village pub. The landlord, Jimmy Nobs, does a first-class curry, and the naan breads are roughly the size of small table; you could comfortably shelter a family under one in light rain. 

Jimmy himself is a bit of a lad; big, strong, short-tempered, and only loosely acquainted with the principles of customer service. If you’re a visitor and ask for an Americano, for instance, he will stare at you as though you’ve just requested a blood test. Then he’ll inform you, with some feeling, that you can have instant or nothing.

He milks it. He sugars it. He does both even if you’ve explicitly said you don’t take sugar. He does not see this as interference; he sees it as leadership. Still, the mugs are clean. We must be grateful.

Anyway, every day between them, the Nuggets take blood pressure pills, statins, anti-inflammatories for sore knees, glucosamine, echinacea, vitamin pills, evening primrose oil, Vitamin B and zinc supplements, just in case.

The Nuggets often reflect on the fact that they both said no to drugs at university, only to spend their later years enthusiastically embracing pharmaceuticals and health-shop shelving.

They love to toast their toes here. 

 

Once you’ve learned Jimmy’s ways, you can sit here for hours with a book and a brew, contemplating your navel in perfect safety, secure in the knowledge that if you were suddenly seized by the need for some obscure supplement, remedy, or vaguely medicinal substance, it would appear in double-quick time.

Between the bar, the kitchen, and Jimmy’s personal stash, the pub is effectively a minor branch of Holland & Barrett with better heating.

Mrs Nugget once asked him for some Vitamin B12 and he gave her something entirely different, but with great confidence. She said she was happy about it for quite some time.